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May 2/06: Top 10 List of Things to Get Rid Of
Not necessarily the 10
Most Terrible Things about Internet porn, but 10 Things That I've Seen Enough Of. Ready? 10:
The magazine-cover layout used by all of the "nude art"
site I believe this was started by MET
Art.
And there's nothing wrong with it. You get a thumbnail that's made to
look like the cover of some classy nudie mag and that's your link to the
gallery. It's a simple idea really. Nothing special about it at all. So
why the fuck has every other nude art site decided to steal it? I
thought these sites were supposed to be on the cutting edge of
creativity and design. So how come they all look the same? I'm fucking
tired of it. 9: Upselling Upselling
is when they try to get you to spend even more money after you've
already joined, usually at a
"Store" inside the members area. The people running the site
are either directly marketing DVDs or clothing (which is OK), or just
linking to third party retailers (which is not). I like to think that
the members area of a paysite should be an ad-free zone. But then I'm
old enough to remember when the whole point of cable (or, as it was then
called, "Pay-TV") was that there were no commercials. Now try
watching it. There's more fucking ads on cable then there are on the
networks. 8:
The stupid come-ons they give you at softcore teen performer sites "Hey
guys! I just turned 18 and I thought it would be soooooo sexy to do my
own website. I'm a bit of a nerd so I do everything myself! It makes my
panties wet just to think of all you guys out there jerking off to
pictures of me! Join me inside." Bad enough
that none of this shit is true, but the same crap keeps getting repeated
over and over by these sites. No, they did not just turn 18. No, they
don't have anything at all to do with the running of their website. And
trust me, nothing about this business turns them on. It's too bad.
Personally, I think an honest teen site would be kind of hot. But I'm
not holding my breath on that one. 7: Reality porn Enough
said. 6: Exxxtras! In
other words, a bunch of licensed material or third party streams.
Usually advertised as hundreds of thousands of hours of video on the
site tour. Does anyone even look at this shit? And yet it can literally
overwhelm some sites, making it hard to even locate where the exclusive
content is. I hate to say it, but if it was any good it wouldn't be
free. 5: High-Def or "DVD Quality"
video Hey, I've got nothing against good
video quality. But the fact is these often-used terms are meaningless.
I've seen both of them used to describe 320x240 video with a playback of
under 500 kb/s. And at one time that was pretty good. But the
meaning of "high def" is always going to be relative to
whatever the state of the art happens to be. And you know how fast it's
changing. "DVD Quality" is even worse. I'll admit there's some
video out there now that looks like it's approaching what I see when I
watch a DVD. But it's not all the way there yet. So this is always
misleading. And it's meaning isn't fixed either. What about the new HD
DVDs they're coming out with? Won't they change the meaning of "DVD
Quality"? Here's a suggestion: Instead of using either of these
terms sites should just give their video specs. Yeah,
I know. Not likely. 4: "Friends" This
is a section of a paysite that actually combines upselling (#9) with
exxxstras (#6). What you're getting are some bonus teaser galleries of
content that you could find listed on any decent TGP, along with an
affiliate link to another website. With friends like these . . . 3:
Slideshow viewing I guess the theory behind
this is that it allows for "hands free" viewing. Whatever. I
find it incredibly fucking irritating. 2:
POV blowjobs I know this isn't something
only Internet sites do. Nor was it invented by the Internet. But neither
was reality porn. This particular
technique has been widely adopted by amateur sites run by a couple and I
guess the only way they can film the action is by getting hubby to hold
the camera while his dick gets sucked. BO-RING. Honestly people, find
somebody else (the neighbour, a fan, extended family member?) to hold
the fucking camera. 1:
Streaming video No, really. I've said it
before and I'll say it here again: It sucks. It always has and always
will. Even the dreaded DRM is preferable. So let's just get rid of it already.
Current
Rant
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