August 21/06: Declaration of Bias

Pornreports is a bit different from most other review sites in that all of the reviews are (and always have been) written by one person: Me. This doesn't make the reviews here any more subjective than other porn reviews--since every review is subjective anyway--but it does mean that the subjective bias is at least consistent. I think if you've read very many of my reviews, or these rants, then you probably already have a good idea of what my biases are. And I think it's important to keep these in mind when you read the reviews so that you know where some of the crazier things I say are coming from.

The following is my declaration of bias. But through it all there's one thing you should keep in mind. Biases are general. For every like and dislike there are plenty of exceptions. A bias just refers to which I way I lean.

Tattoos: I don't like them. I hate having to watch porn from Eastern Europe just to see girls who don't have them. I was reading a news story the other day that said something like 1/3 of all women of porn age (they didn't say "porn age," but you know what I mean) in the U.S. now have a tattoos. What is the world coming to? OK, sure, they don't all suck. I don't mind a little ankle-bracelet tat or maybe something small on the ass or lower back. But I think there should be definite no-go zones too. Like the tits (sorry Bella) and anywhere near the pussy.  

Tits (Natural vs. Plastic, Big vs. Small): This is a tricky call. The basic rule, in my opinion, is that they should look proportional. In other words, a really petite girl shouldn't have huge tits, and a plus-size model had better have monster jugs. My bias is toward big tits though. Natural is best. Some women have great tit jobs (I think Jenna Jameson has one of the best), but too often they appear stiff and poorly located. I also hate seeing the stitching around the nipples, and the lines that show from bad angles.

Streaming video: I hate it. Give me something I can download and watch properly. Even if it's DRM.

Amateurs: I respect them.

Hairy or Shaved: Definitely shaved. Hairy pussy is a fairly narrow fetish now (though Abby still does her best to show as many girls as possible with full bush). The thing is, bush isn't even what I would consider to be "natural" any more. I mean, most of the women you're going to meet in the "real world" these days are at least trimming their pubes. I also find the hairy look to be unpleasantly retro. I remember 70s and 80s porn and I want to forget what it looked like. Bottom line: A shaved pussy looks neater, cleaner, and sexier. And best of all, you can actually see what it is you're looking at.

Hairy or Shaved (male): I have nothing against guys shaving their pubes, but you have to admit it looks pretty fucking stupid when that's all they shave. Hairy legs and then Boom! a pink penis and scrotum, with a hairy belly leaning over it. Nope. Sorry guys, but it only makes sense that the pubes are the last hair to go. So if you're going to shave that down you're going to have to lose all the rest of it first. Enjoy.

Micro-bikinis: I love them.

Novelty Underwear: You know the stuff with funny messages on the front, or a picture of a beaver? I FUCKING HATE IT! How is something so fucking juvenile supposed to be erotic?

Fetish: Nothing is as personal as a fetish, and if it works for you then that's all it has to do. But here are some quick hits on the biggies:

(1) Bondage: There are a lot of wonderfully inventive and artistic bondage sites out there, but most bondage leaves me cold. Yeah, some girls look great all tied up and gagged, etc., but then what do you do with them?

(2) Watersports: I have no real bias pro or con to watching chicks peeing. But most peeing sites are incredibly boring because they don't do anything with it. I mean, you can't just show people pissing. There has to be some kind of context.

(3) Femdom: So rarely done properly. A good femdom site should have a dominant, highly sexual woman doing things for her pleasure, not acting out some loser guy's fantasy.

(4) Mature/MILF: I just wish I knew what the fuck this meant. Any woman over 30? Any female aside from a schoolgirl who wears glasses? Problems of categorization aside, I have to admit that I like this niche. Mainly because you get to watch experienced porn vets who (a) know what they're doing, and (b) seem to be having a lot more fun than most of the other performers you see. 

(5) Interracial: To be honest, I hardly ever notice what colour the guy's dick is.

Dirty Talk: Love it. It just takes every scene up a notch, don't you think? And it's so much better than canned music. Of course you have to have performers who can both speak English and talk filthy like they mean it. And such talent is, unfortunately, rare.

Teens: OK, here's a really big one. Teens are just not my thing. I don't like them young. Yes teens are cute and they have smooth skin and all that, but I like women who are fully developed and have some curves. 

Well, there you have it. You may disagree with all of the above, but at least it will give you some idea of where my head's at. If it helps you understand the reviews here a little better, that's all the more power to you.

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