|
December 2/06: Help! I Can See
Britney's Pussy -- and I Don't Want To!
As I
write this the latest celeb-skin scandal are the pictures of Britney
Spears flashing her pussy to photogs as she parties with fellow . . .
well, what do you call her? . . . Paris Hilton. Fans (of her
music) are apparently shocked and disappointed. Smut seekers, who have
been waiting for this moment for some time, and have only recently been
disappointed at the announcement that there is no forthcoming sex tape,
are less shocked but (judging from comments on various bulletin boards,
as well as my own reaction) just as disappointed. Yeah,
I took a look at the pics same as you. And in my judgment she should
have kept her panties on. Her pussy is not something I wanted to see,
and I hope I never see it again. Celebrity porn
is an interesting niche. On the one hand, let's face it, it sucks.
Grainy or blurry or long-range nipple slips and upskirt shots are not
quality jack material. These glimpses of hidden treasures occur without
context and are necessarily abrupt, frustrating any sense of the erotic.
The only frisson comes from the fact that this is a celebrity
you're getting to see. I mean, it's gotten to the point where there
isn't even any voyeuristic thrill. In the case of the now innumerable
celebrity sex tapes, and most of the current crop of wardrobe
malfunctions, it's obvious that the celebs are performing, putting
themselves on display. Which begs the question of why the fuck you have
to watch Paris Hilton fucking from lousy camera angles, or in night
vision. She's got enough money to afford a professional production. So
why not? Why is this shit so amateur? Because
celebrities are a kind of amateur. When it comes to porn they're just
slumming it. And that pisses me off. It shows a contempt for their
audience. And it highlights the fact that they're no competition for the
professionals. Fuck, they're not even competition for the amateurs! The
real amateurs, that is. We've all heard about
the pornification of our culture. What this means is that mainstream
culture (videos, movies, even books for heaven's sake!) is becoming more
and more "pornified" (to take the title of one recent critical
volume). I don't think it works the other way. That is, porn isn't
becoming more mainstream, as far as I can tell. So what's happening is
that we're getting all of this poorly made crap featuring celebrities
that is just plain embarrassing. It's not porn. It's not amateur. It's
not even very good. It's just novelty trash. Leave
it to the professionals. Please. Because in addition to all the
technical shortcomings, I hope it's becoming more and more obvious to
everyone that these women not only suck when it comes to performing
(Paris Hilton even talks on the fucking phone!), they don't even look
that good in the nude. It's a fact that some people have trouble
acknowledging, but most of the people in this world look better with
their clothes on. Indeed, most celebrities look better with their
clothes on. Even most young, reasonably attractive celebrities look
better with their clothes on. The fact that a
lot of porn is cheap and poorly made shouldn't trick any of us into
thinking that it's easy or that absolutely anybody can do it. It's not,
and they can't. So while I have nothing against porn becoming more
mainstream, I do object to the mainstream becoming more porn. I think
they should leave it to the pros.
Current
Rant
|
