| Review:
Oh boy. As if we haven't said it enough, here we go again.
Why, dear lord why can't big-name pornstars have official
sites that are as good as the amateurs?
We like Tera Patrick. We think she's beautiful. We even like her big
new fake boobs. (Though we did get a smile out of her somewhat
out-of-date bio description of her as a "naturally voluptuous
vixen". Slightly more realistic is her boast on the Advice page:
"I have the best fake tits on the planet--minimum scarring, maximum
hotness.")
Alas, this official Tera Patrick site--which supersedes Digital
Playground's old Tera
Patrick.com (click for our now dated review)--is a generic pornstar
bust. What do we mean by that? First of all, the vast majority of the
content available has no relation to Tera at all. It's mostly licensed
content from Hustler. Bonus sites and extra (streaming) video with names
like Asian Fever, Hardcore Pix, Girl on Girl, Nasty Bitches, Sexy
Chocolate, etc. There are 5 Photo
Gallery sections. Only one of them has Tera pics. There are 20 Video Galleries.
One has Tera movies. Let us be clear about this: We hate licensed
content. It's just filler. Nobody joins a site for this shit. Nasty
Bitches? Yeah, we spent $30 for that. We
expect less than 5% of the members even click on these links. It's just window
dressing. And the window dressing should never outweigh the main course.
The site updates look like the menu at Club
Jenna (no surprise since the sites are done by the same people).
Nothing is dated, but out of the last 39 updates when we visited only 6 featured
Tera.
The rest was just added content. Tera's "Friends". Great.
We'll give Tera credit for keeping her diary up-to-date, but the Chat
link took us to a page that told us to join a Flirt 4 Free chat with
Tera and Carmen Luvana that took place three weeks previously. What the
fuck? Amateurs don't do this. They can't afford to.
Amateurs also can't afford to stick their paying members with
streaming video. Yes, that's right, streaming. Were you thinking of
filling up your hard drive with megabytes of Tera getting pounded? Well
forget it kids. You don't get to download anything. You can watch low
(and we mean low--as in 32 kb/s) or high (no, not really high,
only around 200k kb/s) resolution streams.
Boy, does that ever suck.
But wait! There's less!
There are 5 pages of video clips in the Tera Movies section. We
estimate that at least half of these don't have Tera in them at all. So
why are they Tera Movies? Well, they are from movies that Tera appeared in,
but she is not in all of the
different scenes. Get it? And most of these are older movies that you've
probably downloaded for free a million times before. And in the
"All Tera" picture
galleries (79 total galleries when we visited) there are a bunch of
convention/appearance galleries where you will look long and hard
(that's look long and hard, not get long and hard) to see
Ms. Patrick on display.
OK, so this is a new site. Maybe it will get better. We hope it does. For
now the new video seemed to be all masturbation and POV blow-job clips.
The new picture sets were almost all solo posing except for a few lesbian sets.
The hardcore stuff we'd seen before. The picture quality is good, but
there's a bit too much soft focus and emphasis on glamour.
We're sorry, but in our opinion the big studio players and pornstars
should be at least as good as the amateur sites. They aren't. And the
reason they aren't is because they're making so much money off of just
selling their name they don't feel they have to put any more effort into
their websites. There is no excuse for the amount of junky licensed
content on display here, or the pop-ups selling Tera's movies (pop-ups
in the members section?), or the lame (it looks like once weekly for
Tera stuff) update schedule, or the exclusive use of streaming video for all
of the movies (especially when the actual quality of the videos isn't a
bit better, and is often much worse, than you can get from the
amateurs).
Sure, if you love Tera you might want to take a look. Our advice?
There are a lot of amazing amateurs out there. Give one of them a shot. On top of everything
else, you'll save yourself some money.
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