| Review:
Chaucer's Miller's Tale tells the story of a randy student (they
called them "clerks" back then) who seduces his landlord's young
wife. One day, when the husband has taken off to Osney, he pays a visit
and . . . "As clerkes ben ful subtile and ful queynte . . . prively
he caughte hire by the queynte."
Translation: being a crafty and clever student, he just grabs the
wife by the "queynte". In most textbooks this is glossed as
"something nice or pleasing". That is, her pudendum. He grabs
her snatch. That's the way you picked women up in the Middle Ages.
OK, so the root of our modern quaint is the same as cunt
(at least that's our story and we're sticking to it). But is there such a thing as quaint porn?
Village Ladies would like to suggest there is.
This is very much a theme site. Get a load of the intro: "Our
little cyber village is full of surprises. The village ladies live quiet
lives, tending their gardens, making jam, running market sales, and
taking their clothes off." Even the site design, with
"Village Ladies" appearing in stained glass is meant to
make you feel at home with these sweet British dames (126 of them,
listed as being between 37 and 62 years of age).
Given this whole village theme we thought it odd there wasn't an
"About" page explaining things a bit more. What is the
photographer/Webmaster's attitude or philosophy behind this site? For
that matter, who is the photographer?
The Vicar? The bloke who runs the pub?
The site tour gives you a pretty good idea of what's inside. This is
one very quaint collection of porn. You will see the village ladies
slowly strip down to their underwear. Very slowly. It takes some of
them 30 pics to get their floral print blouses off. And they don't get
much further. This is Softcore with a capital S. As in it make Aunt
Judy's look like a gonzo gape-a-thon. As in you're lucky if you
get a bit of bush. As in the only toys these women know about are the
ones they gave their grandchildren for Christmas.
Even the clothes are anti-sexy: middle-class semi-professional
working gear. Maybe the odd thong. And hats. Yes, hats! Do you have a hat fetish? Does
the sight of Elizabeth II in her zany headgear cause a stirring in your
pud? Cor! Then this is the site for you!
As for the models, or village ladies, we can only say that like Aunt
Judy's they're pretty much the kind of women you might expect to see
every day at the grocery store. No real babes. Indeed few women you
would even call lookers. These are real women. Get it?
The pics are just average in terms of size and resolution, with some even appearing to be out of focus. There is no video at all (except for the
DVDs advertised in the village store), though to be fair it's hard to imagine what the video of a
site like this would be like. There isn't a lot of action. Some of the
sets feature very tame
lesbian stuff. How tame? Well, when we see a site titled "Bedroom
antics with Angie and Millie" we sort of expected something more
than the two ladies just lying naked in bed together. But that's it. There is also a real lack of variety and
imagination. Very little is done in terms of posing
and there are few close-ups (aside from headshots). Camera
position for whole sets seems almost fixed, as though the ladies are
shooting themselves with timers.
Navigation is done through a floating menu that follows you
everywhere. God is it irritating. It floats around, up and down and to the left and
right, tracking you wherever you go. It must have seemed like
a good idea (the links are always right there) but to click on
it you have to get it to stop moving. It's like playing that old Atari
target pistol game (come
to think of it, if you remember that game you might be the right age for
this site). It also seemed to change on
different pages (and on one page it didn't work).
The extras touches are nice. "Albert's Choice" (Albert is described as "our beloved
Churchwarden") is an interesting round-up of vintage porn, a lot of it in black
and white. There is also a voting system for members to pick their
favourite village ladies, as well as a chat. Updates seem to be
occurring a couple of times a week. In other words, it is an honest
site.
Honest and responsibly run, but quite
limited in terms of style and content. Really, if plain dames in
softcore shoots just
aren't your thing then you aren't going to get this site at all. If they
are, and if you aren't very demanding, you should enjoy your visit. A
qualified "OK".
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